I just turned 40. I’m not ashamed of my age, I’m thankful. What a gift experience is, I’ve earned every scar, age spot, and fine line.
Growing up, my mom would always say, “only the lucky get old.” She was right. Every day of this life is a blessing. Also, 40 isn’t old, it’s just one-third of the way to 120.
As I’ve been reflecting on this milestone, there is so much I wish I could go back and say to my younger self, working her first full-time job in ministry. So many conversations and life lessons.
I wish I could sit down with her, reinforce her true identity, encourage her, and remind her that whatever she was facing that day was not actually the end of the world.
So, this series is for her, but it’s also for everyone in ministry, starting out or decades in. It’s for anyone who has been called to a higher Kingdom purpose and is struggling in the midst of living out of that calling.
Lesson 1: Get A Life
I was 23 and brimming with post-college insecurity. A job running the youth ministry at a church in Carlsbad had brought me from Oregon to San Diego, California.
I woke up with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. In preparation for the meeting, I put on my most masculine outfit, a large, yellow tee shirt, and baggy blue shorts, pulled my hair back, and slipped on some strappy sandals, not the cute kind, the kind worn for river rafting. My hope was to blend in, and any amount of femininity might hinder that goal. At that point, I was scared to walk with the authority God had given me.
The room in the grocery store shopping center was dark; as my eyes adjusted about 25 men came into view. Butterflies danced in my stomach and I contemplated turning around, making up an excuse, and getting out of the “boys club”. Before I had a moment for action a gruff voice boomed above the quiet conversations.
“Hey guys, we have a lady with us now so keep it clean ok.”
The tension was broken, I wasn’t too worried about the guys in the Youth Pastors Network being dirty, but the blatant call out dissipated the awkwardness of being the only woman in the room. The short, burly man yelled out to me again, “we are ready to eat, why don’t you pray for us.”
While in line for food, I learned that the loud voice belonged to a seasoned pastor named Bear. Over lunch, we talked about God, youth ministry, our families, and lots of other stuff. Bear’s bold candor was a breath of fresh air.
During that season, I was sinking in ministry stress but didn’t have anyone outside my job to confide in. Bear offered to take me out to lunch and to mentor me. I gladly took him up on the offer!
We would meet and talk about everything. As I fought through a dark season with God and the Church, Bear gave me the gift of a safe space where messiness was accepted. When we sat together it was ok not to be ok. The God Bear loved was big enough for my imperfections.
One day as we were talking at Panera he asked, “Morgan, what do you do for fun?”
“Well, um, I, um… I just started going to a Young Adults Bible study.” I realized even in my answer that my life was consumed with the ministry I ran.
“Bible study doesn’t count!” He retorted so loud that a few old ladies eating near us turned their heads.
“You need some off time or you are going to burn yourself out. I try to take time every week to turn off. Sometimes I go on base and go shooting. It’s just me and the gun. It’s not possible to think about anything else when focusing everything on that target. Sometimes I go to movies by myself. I sit in the back row and turn the outside world off for two hours.”
“You need to find your gun.”
“I guess I could play volleyball, I love focusing on the game and can lose myself in the play.”
After that lunch, I started playing volleyball again and that outlet was my saving grace during that season. It provided weekly respite where I could emotionally turn off.
For a few hours, I couldn’t think about the parent who was angry at me, the student engaging in self-destructive behavior, or the administrative mistake I had made that week. All I could focus on was hitting a ball really hard over a net.
Since then, I’ve learned to set better mental and physical boundaries around my work (and, yes, ministry is work) but midweek volleyball was the first time I started drawing those lines. I told everyone that I had a “meeting” every Monday and Wednesday.
Life Hack – if you have people in your life who aren’t good with boundaries, tell them you have a meeting. For some reason no one ever questions meetings, it’s just official enough to sound unchangeable and just boring enough to make people not want to ask.
God built me as someone who loves to work and move. Up until that conversation with Bear, I thought that rest had to look like me sitting still, Bible in my lap, meditating deeply on the meaning of some obscure passage from Leviticus. If that’s your idea of rest, awesome, but for the rest of us, I would recommend taking some time to ask yourself these questions.
Outside of ministry…
What activities do you enjoy so much that they cause you to lose track of time?
In your life, what do you wish you had time to do more of?
What brings you joy?
When you have your answer, take your calendar and make non-negotiable appointments with yourself to participate in those activities. Write it in sharpie, set reminders, put an alarm on your phone, ask someone to keep you accountable, whatever you have to do.
Rest and recreation are both sides of the same coin and recreation is exactly that… RE CREATION. It’s time set aside for God to renew and form us into who we are made to be.
A few years later Bear’s giant heart stopped beating. Thousands of people he had mentored, loved, and carved out space for, showed up to celebrate his life. His impact was massive.
I’m eternally grateful that Bear took the time to teach me to “find my gun.” That gun takes on different forms during different seasons, but continuously finding it has helped me to stay in ministry for the last 17 years.
Today, I encourage you to “find your gun” and nope, Bible study still doesn’t count!
