Do you ever have days where you wake up dealing with anxiety? Where your first thoughts are worry about relationships that need tending, tasks that must be done, and work or ministry stressors? Some mornings are just rough! At times leadership feels like an overwhelming burden.
When this happens to me there are days where I completely blow it. I avoid dealing with my anxious thoughts by looking for other ways to soothe my fragmented soul through immediate gratification and turning to external input rather than hearing what God has to say. I check my social media notices, then inevitably start scrolling and after that immediately jump into writing email responses. At the end of my busy-work I only feel more fragmented, tired, and anxious.
I wish I could say that I’ve beat this habit. That I’ve cultivated a beautiful morning prayer life, filled with scripture, devotionals, and a bit of meditative yoga thrown in for good measure (and Instagram photo popularity). I haven’t. Some mornings are hard. Some days the anxiety wins. But, I’m learning God’s goodness in the process.
There are days where, by the grace of God, I stop and take the time to listen. My ears gradually tune to eternal whispers in a world filled with temporal noise. Lately my heart keeps coming back to this prayer from Psalm 143:8-10:
“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
For I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
For to you I lift up my soul.
Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord,
For I hide myself in you.
Teach me to do your will,
For you are my God;
May your good Spirit lead me on level ground.”
I love the call and reply aspect of this scripture. It’s a beautifully synchronized dance filled with gentle leadership and lithe response. David pleads for the God of the universe to bring unfailing love, to lead, to rescue, to teach and to guide. David also responds to each request by posturing himself to receive. He has chosen to trust, to lift up his soul, to hide himself in God and to proclaim the truth. Response and call. Lead and follow. Ask and receive.
This is the beautiful dance of relationship. No matter how many times we miss, God is with us, initiating, waiting, and dousing us in the grace of unfailing love.
This is also the truth of leadership. It’s not about willing ourselves out of anxiety and into perfection. It’s about assuming a spirit posture where we call out, receive, and follow.
Dealing with anxiety and striving gently fade as we respond to the truth of unfailing love. I recently heard Graham Cooke say, “God is not asking you to do something you can do – He is asking you to do something only He can do!”
Here is the truth:. We can’t. But God Can! “But God” together these are twosome of my favorite words in the English language.
Here are a few ways I’m learning to prioritize this Holy dance in my own life. I certainly don’t have it perfected but I embrace the richness of journeying deeper into grace together!
- Music directly affects my spirit. It changes the environment. Singing along with songs that are filled with truth reminds me what’s real and allows my emotions to come into alignment with that reality.
- I’m a writer. Words are always coming to me, bubbling up, spilling over. I write in my head at stoplights, and think through sentence structure while pounding out reps at the gym. I post long diatribes on Instagram and Facebook. Words are my medium. When we create, we commune with the Ultimate Creator. Find your art. Give it the gift of intentional time and space.
- I need a Sabbath. Rest is hard, especially in our culture. Even the idea of Sabbath is foreign. I live in a place where “I’m busy” is a brag. Unless I make a deliberate effort, and set hard boundaries, little distractions will penetrate my rest like sharp arrows. Most of these distractions come from technology that is otherwise helpful. On my best rest days, I turn my phone off, close my computer, and devote myself to being fully with – with. With God in the quiet space and with those I get to love.
Photos by Nicole Harrington and Nathan Dumalo on Unsplash
