For our second Matrimony + Ministry Series, we want to highlight the founder of The Zoe House, Tiffany Kavuma.
The Zoe House serves and empowers young mothers in Uganda to reach their dreams through access to vocational training, mentorship, and life-saving medical care. Check out her amazing ministry and continue reading for the unique story of how she met her husband Ashiram.
How did you two meet?
Ashiram, who was living in Nigeria at the time, somehow stumbled across my faith-based blog online(Jesusfreesusblog.com). When he went to my Facebook page, he saw my semi-recent baptism picture and was intrigued. He sent a simple and kind message to me about the power of my writing to draw people to Christ. About a month later I saw the message and we began exchanging messages back and forth. We bonded over Jesus and country music of all things.
He had all the qualities I was looking for in a future spouse but should the fact we had never met IRL [in real life] deter me from the story God was writing?
After about eight months of talking and feeling pretty certain, we wanted to spend forever together, a friend and I flew over to Uganda to scope it all out in person. After my short trip to Uganda, Ashiram and I started planning our wedding (without even being engaged!) and my move to Uganda.
Now, seven years and one beautiful baby later here we are! When God writes your love story, expect the unexpected.
Being an intercultural couple, you both have unique perspectives and cultures to offer in your relationship. How did you support and learn from one another to get to the point in your marriage you are now?
With any marriage, regardless of culture, you are bringing two very different people together to become one which is no easy feat. We actually don’t talk a lot about culture because we are not a culture-first couple, but a Christ-first couple. We find too many couples use culture as a crutch, or are quick to blame differing cultures, instead of getting to the heart of the issue.
If anything doesn’t line up with Christ or how He would have us treat our spouses we know it has no place in our marriage and needs to be worked on.
How do you keep a healthy marriage despite the ups and downs in life in ministry?
We keep a healthy marriage by understanding that the way we look at life can be different and appreciating that. Ashiram and I definitely balance each other out – or compliment each other might be the better term.
A good, practical example of this is Ashiram will drive until the car is on fumes. I on the other hand need at least a quarter of a tank at all times. We operate differently and I believe our differences in personality and perspective are what makes us stronger.
When did Tiffany start The Zoe House and what did that conversation look like between you both?
Before I moved to Uganda, I already had the name The Zoe House on my heart, but I didn’t know exactly what it would be. I had a vision of a house, a young Ugandan girl dancing in front of it, and the word “Zoe” was spoken over this image. I had absolutely no idea what the word Zoe meant at the time of experiencing the vision, but later found out the word Zoe meant life. But not just any type of life, eternal life.
I knew at this moment God had entrusted me with something, but it would take months of prayer and relocating my life to Uganda before I discovered exactly what He wanted The Zoe House to become.
As I settled into my life in Uganda, I constantly saw news segments and articles on the high rate of teenage pregnancy, and my heart became really burdened for these young mothers. During this season, I also had so many recurring pregnancy dreams that I stopped keeping count and writing them down.
But there was one particular day, in 2017, when everything changed.
My husband, Ashiram, and I were driving down a small side street when we came across a girl sitting next to a fence with a baby. She looked devastated as her eyes remained fixated on the ground. I asked Ashiram what was going on with her to cause her to sit on an isolated street clutching her baby close to her chest. He reversed the car, rolled down his window, and began a conversation that would change the trajectory of my life.
This girl, who was 20 and had a four-month-old baby, had spent the day wandering around and crying because she was not from the city and her Uncle’s wife had chased her out of the house.
The storm clouds rolled in and rain began to fall. Immediately, I wanted to offer her a warm, safe place to stay. Instead, I told my husband to ask her one simple question.
“What do you need?”
Her baby, Sudais, had a bad cough and her only concern was to take him to a clinic. There are many things she could have asked us for, but getting medical attention for her baby was her number one priority.
We drove them to a clinic nearby and shuffled into the doctor’s office like we’ve been family all along. After running some tests, the doctor told us it was a chest infection and Sudais would need treatment.
Although I wanted her to stay with us, all this mother wanted to do was be reunited with her family in a town in Northern Uganda. I couldn’t deny her request, so we agreed to put her on a bus to reconcile with her family after receiving treatment for her baby.
Her entire demeanor changed from hopelessness to hope in the few hours we were with her. She asked me to pray for her and, as I hugged her goodbye, I held back the tears threatening to spill over.
On our way home that night, my heart was crushed into a million pieces thinking about all the vulnerable young mothers who cannot provide for their children’s medical care and don’t have a place to turn for refuge.
My husband took one look at me and said, “The Zoe House is being placed right in your path. What are you going to do about it?”
My husband’s main role was nudging me to take my next steps when I was too afraid. He encouraged me to do it scared.
How do you approach healthy conflict resolution as a couple?
Tiffany – This was hard for me at first. Growing up, I actually never saw healthy conflict resolution. In my house, someone would get angry, give the silent treatment, or withdraw, and then once that person was fine the rest of the family was supposed to be fine as well. We never actually talked through these issues. Now, I’ve learned to talk things out and try to let my guard down instead of being overly defensive or withdrawing. Depending on the situation, Ashiram often can make light of what’s going on which really helps ease the tension in the room and helps to talk things through calmly.
Ashiram – Often times in conflict, the person just wants to be heard and validated. As Tiffany’s husband, I’ve learned to have more patience and empathy and try to see life through her lens.
What is a tradition(s) that you have learned about one another’s upbringing and culture that you have carried with you throughout your marriage?
Tiffany – I will say one thing that is a BIG DEAL in Uganda is greeting. You will be viewed as rude if you don’t greet people, even those in your own household when you first wake up. You will also be greeted when you come back from someplace with a ‘welcome back.’ This is something I have had to learn to do because it was never emphasized in my home to greet people in the morning.
Ashiram – I don’t see Americans having a distinct culture so to speak, but when I went to Texas I embraced cowboy boots and country western dancing. I hope that counts!
What resources would you recommend for other couples in an intercultural marriage? Any marriage advice?
Ashiram – My marriage advice would be to work as a team and keep God at the center.
Tiffany – My marriage advice is actually similar to my husband’s which is to never attack your spouse, but partner together to attack the problem instead. It really is helpful if you can take a ‘how can we approach.’ Instead of saying, “Can you learn to communicate better? you can instead say, “How can we work together to improve our communication in our marriage?”
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This highlight series is for anyone, in or out of the life of ministry! Our hope is that we not only highlight our partners’ ministries but also their marriages. We want to celebrate the humble care and sacrifices that these honorable marriages embody. After this series, we are excited to delve into some stories of what it looks like to pursue ministry individually.
Read Matrimony + Ministry Series: Ben & Teresa Pothier >>
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